i am emotionally exhausted. i am working on a project that is a labor of love kind of thing and i am drained. old scars are open and seeping and leaking bits of my emotional baggage all over everyone and i can't be brought to be ashamed or apologetic or to care what others are thinking, feeling or saying. my attitude has sucked but it's how i am coping with it all. and i've basically been of the mind of "if you aren't saying something that is helping then get the fuck out of my face or life or whatever just shut up."
it's alienating people but i could give a shit right now and i kiss it up to my maker and have faith that the important people will either get in line and help or give me the space i need and not resent me for it. if they do i will deal later or not at all.
i wish i wasn't an adequately decent human being because right now being raw and vulnerable makes me angry i hate it and i want blood and i want to humiliate the people that put the hurt there in the first place and i want to rub their faces in it and make them hurt as much as i did and do remembering the hurt. but i can't i can't bring myself to that. it will have to suffice that when this project is off the ground and recognized that i can tell them privately they inspired me with their viciousness.
fuck it that is all i'm going to leak on you good people today. sorry about that here's a moist towelette to clean up with.
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